Confessions of a Divorcee

“If you don’t know, now you know!”

If your new to my life then you might not know that I got married at a young age and at the same time I’m facing divorce all in a span of two years.

Now I’m sure many of you want to hear that my Husband cheated on me or that I cheated on him. I know your DYING to know that was the case because I’ve heard the advice and everything else said before.

However, cheating isn’t the only reason why people end up splitting or because a love died. Many things come into play when it comes to two individuals no longer being together. Especially if you’re a military couple like he and I.

When he and I decided to part ways trust me that I went on a rampage searching for advice videos, advice blogs, and even to my closest friends to figure out what in the heck just happened to my life. Each and everything I was seeing was how they endured the most pain at that time and how they never overcame it.

I can totally see how that could happen and where one can develop PTSD from it because I can completely relate to that as well.

However seeing those blogs and seeing those videos didn’t relate one bit to my situation. Everyone was talking about cheating or wanting to be with new people. I didn’t find anything that related to me. I would message my friends who were in a way going through what I was going through, but their mindsets were different. Their views on their specific situation was different, but I was trying so hard to make it work for mine. So that’s the thing right? We shouldn’t compare our relationship to others. Need less to say, given the title of this article that my efforts didn’t work because many know how I love and adore the man I married. Surprisingly to some people, he loves me too, but at times you don’t always end up with your soulmate. Or who you thought was your soulmate.

So now you must be thinking of divorce or breaking up because the puzzles aren’t fitting together anymore, so what do you do? What’s are some ways we can deal with a breakup, separation, or divorce in the same aspect?

Well I’ll tell ya!

  1. When someone saw me in pain to let me be in pain. I’m a very strong person I didn’t like to cry in front of people (even though I can’t help it sometimes) but I hold it in. Which isn’t good. Its okay to break apart and amend that wound with grievousness. Sometimes the pain is WAY WORSE that just crying it out doesn’t help cause I actually felt physical pain and my mind, I believe a bolt went loose! lol Really! But allowing me to be as nutty and in pain helps to get use to it or to grow from it.
  2. I don’t need you to hit on me. Just because were not with someone who we’ve been with for so long doesn’t mean I’m looking to get over someone by getting under someone new. (I tried it, it doesn’t work) You don’t give yourself time to heal or to see where life is taking you. That was my mistake.I didn’t give it time.
  3. Be nice to your ex. Why on earth do you have to be at each others throats? He and I are still courteous even though he makes my life so complicated with the back and forth factor. He calls me, he texts me, and we still are there for each other.
  4. Be honest! I pry myself on being honest because I don’t want to be that bitch that played these stupid games. I talk freely about my (ex)Husband and I talk freely to him about what I’m doing. Since day one! He’s known what I was doing so he would hear it out of my mouth rather than people who assumed over social media and I think that’s how he and I have still be in good terms. He may not be honest of his lifestyle and that’s on him, but I can proudly say I’m honest and I rest easily on that.

These few things are what have helped me in this time. Am I divorced? No for those wondering, but getting a divorce is a LONG process whether it happens or not. As long as you keep true to yourself and others it will not be a living HELL like it was in my earlier stages of separating.

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